i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
