so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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