I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
