pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
