Don't you send me to vm
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
