You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
