i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
