I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
