you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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