Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
