The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
