Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
