I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize