Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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