I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
