So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
