Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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