Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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