I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
