There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
