just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
