Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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