You were right. It hurts to walk today.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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