we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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