Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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