I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just made out with a guy for $7.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
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