a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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