Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
