the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
