I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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