I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
