I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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