I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
