new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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