sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
