Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
