Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
