After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
