I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
