No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
