I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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