Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
