I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Randomize
