You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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