people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
