At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
