She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
