my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
