I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
