I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
A bitchslap is in order.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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