I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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