drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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