the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
