You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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