I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
