I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
