it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
