I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Ketchup is God's man juice
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
