Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
