so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I cut my penus on the lid.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
