On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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