oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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