Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
