I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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