Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
you inspire me to be a worse person
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
