dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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