I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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