I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize