So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
